/* ?! wHAT bOX: November 2010

Nov 18, 2010

Not Enough Underwear Explosives

So, for those of you who've known about this and have already had your hearty laugh at this dangerous criminal, please bare with me...and for the others of you who've not had that fearfully terrifying moment of shaking in your little pink mittens, here is a story sure to strike fear into your...undergarments???

That terrifying day, Christmas day of 2009, a powerful and noble man of the African country of Nigeria (for those of you who thought that Africa was a country...well, never mind, go back to playing Wii and don't mind the fact that the country of Brittan was named so in honor of the great Brittany Spears), boarded a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit. The gentleman in question was known to have spent 20 minutes in the restroom before seating himself in his assigned seat, then covering himself with a blanket.

The lives of hundreds of passengers were saved by the attentive and extremely alert fellow passengers on board the long flight. Wikipedia was quoted as stating other passengers to notice popping noises, smell a foul odor, then see Mr. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's pant leg ablaze with the glorious revenge of Allah against the Infidels!! Unbeknownst to the other patrons of the flight, brilliantly stitched into the protective undergarments of this fine, proud solider of Allah was a 15 cc packet of a chemical bomb.

Abdulmutallab's father, one of the richest men in the African continent was condemned by his son as being "immoral" for his charging interest at the bank of which his father was the chairman. However, one wonders where the funding for Abdulmutallab's college tuition in London came from which allowed him to earn a mechanical engineering degree. He legally applied for, and received, a visa to the US and so on that fateful, fearful day....the foul odors began, signaling the entrance of a new era, the dawning of a new day.

Not quite, Bozo.

Either way, at least we now know that anytime a foul odor is noticed in the air be aware that something is afoot. The backside of revenge is fortified with the fist of power  - aka, a fire-staring pair of Fruit of the Looms. For the record, this intelligent MBA-holding mastermind, is now incarcerated in a prison in Michigan, following his release from the hospital and his treatment of the first and second degree burns to his hands and other more sensitive areas in the locale of the "explosion" which tore apart the noses of those on board.

Several comments immediately come to mind:
1. He was charged charged and indited on 6 criminals counts, including the attempted murder of 289 people, a large charge indeed....though how does one NOT crack up laughing at the proceedings in the courtroom after reading the charges? I wonder what the conversation sounded like when the lawyer got the call!

2. I hereby request of the US government, the implementation of a new code for the Homeland security-color-coding-system-of-which-no one-knows-what-the-colors-mean-anyway. Let's add the heightened alert status of the color "brown" so that all will know immediately, that someone, somewhere, lurking on your flight to Florida for winter, may be packing Bob Sponges' square pants with the evil intention of emitting noxious odors and setting themselves on fire, but really attempting to blow your flight to kingdom come!

Beware of other such bombers, keep alert, and always watch for underwear bombs.